In Search of the Elusive "Perfect Sweater"

Things I want in my Perfect Sweater

Cables
Pockets
Hood or Wide Collar
Hip Length
Buttons
Cardigan that looks good open or closed.  No "asymmetry".
Possibly a v-neck.  High closures do not "flatter my figure".

I don't see why this sweater is so difficult to find a pattern for.  I've even expanded my search to include patterns I would have to pay for.  After the disaster with the wedding dress yarn, I still turned to Webs.  I wanted a traditional "aran"color, cream, oatmeal, off-white-ish.  However, the color I wanted was on back order for at least another month.  But I don't want to wait a month!  By the time I get the pattern figured out, this sweater won't be finished until next winter as it is.  So, with K's blessing, I bought all of the hemlock green color they had. 2700 yards should be plenty for a cabled, overly large, hooded sweater, with enough left over to make lots of swatches (yeah right).

Even the pattern I like most on Ravelry isn't really a pattern.  I'm pretty much left with trying to design my own sweater.  And a complicated one at that.  I suppose I'd better get crackin'. (No, not Kraken)

But the real question is, am I really ready/experienced/talented/creative enough to do this?  I hope no one is expecting handmade presents next Christmas.  This one's for me, baby!

(If it doesn't end up working out... next stop, trip to Ireland)